A Modest Proposal

There just seems to be no end of squabbling in ‘Murica between the Grand High Imperial Twitterbug (GHIT) with his Publican party and their foes, the Demo-rugrats.  If one side says ‘up’, the other will say ‘down’ and it’s doubtful these days if they could even agree from which direction the sun will come up tomorrow.   If there’s one accomplishment the GHIT has managed in his first four years at the Whitey House, it’s implementing his campaign promise to ‘Make ‘Murica Grate Again!’ 

It’s odd that the GHIT, a master of the politician’s creed (never tell the truth and, when elected, always do the opposite of whatever campaign promises you make) would actually run the risk of fulfilling a campaign promise, but no one can deny the degree to which the GHIT has made ‘Murica grate.  And it’s not just that the GHIT has made ‘Murica grate on other countries, he’s managed to grate on about half the voters in ‘Murica as well.  It’s hard to believe, but there are a lot of folks who just don’t appreciate being led by the smartest man in the universe. 

The latest tiff involves an appointment to the Super-Preen Court, the place where a few chosen relics get to demonstrate grooming habits to the populace.  These nabobs of the nail file can have a great impact on life in ‘Murica and appointments are for a lifetime.  It’s up to the incumbent in the Whitey House (currently the GHIT of course) to nominate a candidate and the Senate to approve them. 

In the current imbroglio, the Demo-rugrats assert that the GHIT shouldn’t be nominating anybody until after the election, less than two months away.  They point to the Publican’s stance the last time a candidate was proposed.  Five years ago, the Publican’s successfully blocked a Demo-rugrat nomination by arguing that it shouldn’t occur just before an election – in that case more than nine months.  Now they argue the opposite, insisting the GHIT should get to fill the position right away, even if the election is less than two months away.  The Demo-rugrats denounce this switcheroo as hypocritical. Well, hello! Of course it is!  Hypocrisy is part of the ‘politician’s ‘creed’, beloved by all politicians and used with the same frequency as evasion and outright lying.  

It really boils down to the fact that the Publicans and the Demo-rugrats would never agree on anyone as a candidate to join the small and merry band at the Super-Preen Court.  Good grooming is just too important and they’d rather fight with each other than look for compromise. 

So, in the interests of peace, harmony and good governance, I am putting forth my own nomination.  My candidate is aimed to win the hearts of every voter – unless they are already an elected politician and bound by their creed.  First, the candidate has to be a female, even if the Publican’s generally don’t warm to the better sex.  In this case, however, even the GHIT thinks the candidate should be female.  Next come the qualifications.  In the last election for Prez, it was demonstrated clearly that voters are more interested in entertainment than any other single attribute a candidate might have.  Our candidate, like the GHIT, should have proven entertainment value and comedy appeal.  Ability is far down the list of important things to look for.  It’s helpful to already have a track record of dealing fairly with every kind of ethnicity that fashion might wash up in her courtroom, but not essential.  It would be helpful if both Publicans and Demo-rugrats could hold their collective noses and agree, but let’s not hold our breath on that one! 

None-the-less, I’m convinced this compromise candidate is just what everyone is looking for.  She combines all the most valuable qualities into a blockbuster of a Super-Preen Court nominee.   Yes, dear reader, look no further than afternoon television programming for your best candidate.  I nominate JUDGE JUDY for the Super-Preen Court.

GHIT!  Are you listening?

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