YET ANOTHER MODEST PROPOSAL

I have been marveling at how much fun it is to watch politicians playing together. In Kanadoodle we saw news snippets of Pierre (cluck, cluck) Poulet, leader of the Consumptive Party pecking at Dustbin Truthless in the Iglooarliament. There isn’t a rooster anywhere who can ruffle feathers like Poulet, who’s prepared to disagree with anything Dustbin’s Libelous Party favors. Things are equally entertaining in ‘Murica where the Publicans are fighting amongst themselves to prevent anyone from being elected Speaker of their House. It seems the Publicans are in a fractious mood these days about the second coming of their messiah, Ronald Rump.

But all this acrimony doesn’t seem to be restricted to politicians. It’s starting to seem like everybody is unhappy these days. You expect bickering between politicians in governments – they’re famous for their lies, doing stupid things and being too busy bickering with each to accomplish anything for the welfare of their own countries. But look around the globe and you see riots, protests and unrest everywhere.

There’s no doubt about it – those space aliens that have been abducting workers in unprecedented numbers are bombarding Earth with unhappiness rays. They’re doing it to make their work easier. When everyone’s unhappy, they’re going to be unable to resist leaving Earth with some pleasant green skinned fellow who appears by their bedside late at night and offers candy if they step inside their spaceship for a ride. Once the alien mentions that they’ll be going to a place with lots of well-paid opportunities in a world without politicians, the average depressed person is going to run up the ramp and leap into the saucer. I mean, you don’t even have to be feeling the effects of the alien rays to look favorably on an offer like that. With millions upon millions of earthlings gone, it leaves fewer people to absorb all the unhappy rays, making those left behind angrier and angrier at their own governments.

As far as I can see, the only solution to the problem is for the people in every country to bundle up all their politicians and exchange them for the politicians from another country. That way everyone can experience someone else’s idiots. That should take their minds off how bad their homegrown batch were. It’s not like the politicians will notice – they’re too busy bickering to notice a change in surroundings.

Imagine Vlad (the impaler) Pootine of Russkie leading Botswana, Ronald Rump replacing King Charles, Dustbin Truthless fighting it out with ‘Cluck Cluck’ in Haiti – the possibilities are endless.

We know that the aliens never take politicians, as they make terrible workers – too unproductive and useless as a species. So, we’ll keep the politician swap going until the aliens have successfully abducted every worker from Earth. Now that’s what we really call progress.

TL: DR – of course all the unrest might be due to an undiscovered side-effect of COVID, leaving a residue of ‘pissed off’ molecules in our circulatory systems called Freedom Convoys.

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