What went wrong? The troops were promised a leisurely drive down the highway to the capital. The roads were supposed to be lined with happy U-Crane peasants cheering, throwing flowers and blowing kisses. The U-Crane Prez, Voldmort Z was going to throw his hands in the air and flee the country. Those in the west were expected to ignore the whole thing and continue watching television. The whole shebang was going to be over in three days.
YIKES! It’s over two months and the road turned bumpy, the U-Crane peasants started throwing things that had more thorns than petals, that wretched Voldmort Z stayed put, the village gossips started spreading nasty truths and the west woke up, stopped buying vodka and started selling Vlad P dart boards. What the hell? They didn’t do a thing in 2008 when you sashayed into Georgie, played tiddly-winks when you hobnobbed in to help Bellyroos and loudly yawned when you magnanimously agreed to send in your clowns to help the Crime-mia in 2014. Now poor old Vlad (the Impaler) Pootine of Rooskie is sitting behind his four hundred foot table in the Kremland wondering what happened.
He read the ‘Conqueror’s Handbook’ (published by Death and Destruction, copyright 5000 BC) and it assured him you can invade any country you like and nobody will notice the piles of dead bodies, the flattened buildings, the bombs exploding, the millions of displaced people and the special way you treat those you’re conquering. It recommended that you crank up the ol’ propaganda machine, fill the airwaves with stuff that would keep Joe Goebbels smiling and wait for victory. It’s not your fault the Handbook is a little out of date.
Now what? You can’t stop and you certainly can’t back down ‘cause people would think you were weak – or even worse they might think you were wrong. The only choice now is to keep killing, hope for something you can call a victory and take a chance that no one at home is checking your shoe size for concrete galoshes.
People of Rooskie – wake up! You finally got rid of the commie rats and you want to replace them with a Stalin wannabe?
Every politician, whether they got elected or got their rivals electrocuted, has to face that awful day when their ‘best before’ date is checked and it’s discovered that they’re past their shelf life. It can be hard – all those years calling the shots (usually aimed at their enemies’ heads), nobody ever contradicting them, people bowing and scraping before them until they believe they’re the head honcho on Mount Olympus. Yup, sooner than later, it goes to their head and makes them think they can do no wrong. Vlad is so far past his shelf life that he’s now covered the country with a smell that Mr. Clean couldn’t remove in a century. Maybe it’s time for the Rooskie people to do the right thing and send Vlad to sleep with the fishes.
TL:DR – Marvin K. Mooney isn’t the only one that needs to go.