The debris from exploding Demorats hasn’t yet finished raining down on ‘Murica and Ronald Rump, Grand High Imperial Twitterbug (GHIT), PREZ to be and World’s Greatest Comedian, is already sizzling ahead with his plans to implement the New And Golden Age (NAGA) in ‘Murica.  In his castle ‘Mal a Largo’ in the state of Floridation, the Rump has now completed a stone tablet with a new set of Ten Commandments.  

The first, and greatest of the new Commandments is:

Thou shalt love the Lord thy Rump with all thy heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy mind.  Thou shalt have no other rumps before thee.  Get in line and kiss thy Rump.’

The new second Commandment is like unto it – How many laughs can thy Rump generate?’\

 Commandment 3: ‘Thou shalt serve the Lord thy Rump and display no experience, intelligence or expertise in whatever thou doest on his behalf.’

Commandment 4: “Profess always that the 2016 was stolen’

Commandment 5: ‘Thou shalt have a winningly abrasive demeanor in thy dealings with non-believers’ 

Commandment 6: Thou shalt  believe that climate change is bogus

Commandment 7: Thou shalt  support an increase in fossil fuel usage

Commandment 8: Thou shalt have a deep admiration for autocrats in other countries and defend their right to invade their neighbors

Commandment 9: Thou shalt restrict thy sources of information to Untruth Social and Foxy News

Commandment 10:  If male, thou shalt have, or at least have been investigated for, sexually assaulting women – for the Lord thy Rump says thou shouldn’t keep a good pervert down.

In filling out his cabinet, the Rump has been choosing quality candidates using his new Commandments as criteria.  Even so, there were so many qualified candidates that the Rump was required to use a tie breaker to fill some posts: How fast could a candidate fall on their knees before the Rump while expelling noxious gas simultaneously from both of their orifices. 

The following choices show how much care the Rump is taking to pave the way for the NEW AND GOLDEN AGE (NAGA):  

Billionaire pal, Helong Muskrat, has been appointed to the post of First Lady and will head the newly created Department Of Proposed Efficiencies (D.O.P.E.) with a mandate to weed the entire Federal bureaucracy down to two secretaries and a goldfish – all other current government employees will either be sent on the first SpaceX mission to populate the moon without the use of space suits or shipped to National Institute for Mental Health to take the place of monkeys in experiments.

– Mat Gazzzzzt, champion of sexism and chicanery, as Attorney General

– Chris Wrong, oil executive, as Energized Secretary

– Tootsie (Vlad’s my hero) Scabbard as Booster of Foreign Dictators’ Intelligence

– Peep Hedgehogth from Foxy News, as Secretary of Defenseless

– Dougie Crawlings deals with the ‘losers’ as Secretary of Veterinary Affairs  

– R.F. Kook Jr. as Director of Anti-Vaccines

– Wizard of Oz to oversee the dismantling of Medicaid and Medicare

– Dug Bub-l-gum will be In charge of rounding up all the illegal immigrants (anticipating a difficult job in disposing of those rounded up, Duggie has chosen Hannibal Lecter to run the internment camps).

– Belinda MacMann, wrestling executive, will work to abolish the Department of Education (It might be heresy to say but… could the Rump be wrong about wanting to rid the nation of a system that produced seventy six million four hundred sixty-two thousand four hundred and fifty five eligible people that voted for him???)

– Vlad (the Impaler) Poutine from Rooskie and Kill Jon Ugh from N. Koreep have been tapped as national security advisors

In addition to the steady stream of these ‘dream candidates’ for high position, the Rump has also indicated his desire that the former ‘Publican Party’ be renamed the ‘Rumpettes’ and the Nation’s motto will be changed to ‘In Rump We Trust’.  The Rump’s media platform ‘Untruths Social’ will replace the Federal Communications Commission.  The Department of Justice (DOJ), the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)  and the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) will all be abolished and replaced with the Department of Injustice, Retribution and Terror (D.I.R.T.).  

TL:DR – When asked about 2028, the Rump responded by saying that, after a few years enjoying the benefits of his New And Golden Age, everyone would doubtless be looking for ways to extend his reign.  The biggest laugh is that reporters thought he was joking.

Reminder: 2024 –  STOLEN with lies.