After months of coyly wooing his supporters, fluttering his eyelashes and dropping a blizzard of hints, Ronald Rump, former Grand High Imperial Twitterbug (GHIT) and Prez of ‘Murica, has announced his intention to seek the Publican nomination for the Whitey House in 2024. Comedy fans everywhere greeted the announcement with hysterical shouts of joy. As a stand up comedian, there’s no one in the world that can match the GHIT for generating mirth and merriment. As a politician, he exceeds every other candidate in his dedication to the sacred creed of politics – ‘Never tell the truth’. Even around the globe the only politician that is Rump’s equal in this regard is his good friend, Rooskie leader Vlad (the Impaler) Pootine.
Speaking of which, I’m sure if Rump is elected, we’ll have no more worries about the war in U-Crane. As a big fan of Rooskie leader, Rump will no doubt want to thank Vlad for his direct help in the 2016 election and look forward to further benefits in 2024. ‘Murica would likely see a victorious Rump championing the same policies that gave Vlad every indication that it was just fine to invade any country close to Rooskie – doing away with silly things like allies and NATO and ripping up trade deals.
Yes sir, he’s going to make ‘Murica grate once again, just like he did the last time: cutting more taxes for the filthy rich corporations, cancelling immigration to anyone but white supremacists and filling the courts of the nation with those opposed to women’s rights, gun controls and climate change action.
Yes, Ma’am, he’s geared up – The SAVIOR OF NATION (SON) is ready for a comeback, raring to top his past performances by providing greater comedy routines than ever before. To his legion of followers, Rump has already edged out God the SON and God the Holy Smokes and, with their help, he can no doubt soon take the top spot in the Trinity and add the title God the Fathead to the list.
TL:DR – His supporters will just have to hope that the greatest comedian of all time, Ronald Rump, can win back the Whitey House in time to pardon himself for the things he did the last time he was Prez.