A MAN FOR ALL SNEEZES

More ripples in Kanadoodle with the Consumptive Party choosing a new leader – someone who can go head to head with Dustbin Truthless in the next election.  For those who didn’t follow the Consumptive Party convention yawn-fest, it was a virtual coronation for Pierre (cluck, cluck) Poulet, a combative rooster that has no intention of following in the footsteps of his predecessor, Erring O’Fool.

O’Fool took the top spot in the Consumptive Party by spouting the usual mantras appealing to Consumptive members, but ran his election campaign as a friend of the people.  Since everyone knows that politicians make dubious friends, O’Fool failed to win enough votes to re-capture the post of Prime Ribber – a capital offence in Consumptive land.  Now, only the moaning ghost of O’Fool can be heard, his body still bleeding from multiple stab wounds inflicted by Consumptives outraged at once again being blocked from the Golden Trough of government. 

Yes, Poulet is a bird of a different feather with a peck as bad as his cluck.  It’s why the true blue Consumptives are rallying behind his tail feathers.  Poulet began with scrupulous adherence to the first tenant of the Politician’s Creed – ‘never tell the truth’ – blaming Dustbin and the Libelous Party for Kanadoodle’s high gas prices, soaring inflation and staggering increases in food costs.  

You’ve got to admire whoppers like that.  I mean, even twelve year olds can figure out that price increases are due to climate catastrophes, post pandemic supply issues and the Rooskies very own Vlad (the Impaler) Pootine’s invasion of the U-Crane and that there isn’t a country anywhere that isn’t doing just as bad (or doing worse) than Kanadoodle.   Poulet says he can magically make things better by voting for him!  Ain’t that just plain heart-warming?  Let’s just call it the first of the whoppers that we can expect Poulet to crow about in the coming months.

Poulet is a strong supporter of the Freedom Wimps, giving a resounding ‘thumbs up’ to those integrity-packed digits that clogged the capital last winter with big rigs tooting their own horns 24/7.   Poulet says he’ll be inviting all those big rigs to park on his lawn to serenade voters in the next election. 

Poulet believes that ‘bite coins’ are the answer to our monetary woes.  For those unfamiliar with Krypton currencies, ‘bite coins’ are a way to invest in money that isn’t real and fits nicely into every pocket with holes in it.  Poulet claims that ‘bite’ coins give off Krypton rays that will kill the Governor of the Bank of Kanadoodle before he bites everyone with another interest rate hike. 

Like many Consumptives before him, Poulet positively trumpets the whopper that there will be NO NEW TAXES (adding in fine print – ‘on rodents and kangaroos’) and that climate change will go away if we just ignore it. 

Yes sir, Poulet can cure inflation, wrestle gas and food prices down, help ‘the little guy’, cure the effects of COVID with mouth to mouth resuscitation and save the earth from catastrophe if only he’s elected Prime Ribber.  Like the Libelous Party’s Dustbin truthless, Poulet is a politician in the grand tradition that subscribes to the ‘Politician’s Creed’: never tell the truth when you can lie – no whopper is too big that it can’t be swallowed and every electorate is overflowing with the gullible who are waiting to be plucked.

TL:DR –  Pierre (cluck, cluck) Poulet?  A bit of Ronald Rump-light – right here in Kandadoodle.

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