Seems as if the longer Vlad (the impaler) Pootine rules Rooskie, the more he acts like his hero, good ol’ Joe S. And hot dog, hasn’t Vlad been some busy this past week? Somehow those two hundred thousand ballet dancers that he’d brought to the border of Russkie have high stepped their way into the U-Crane and are even now pirouetting right down the main highway towards the capital city, stirring up quite the dust storm. Vlad says if anyone interferes with the dance number, he’ll throw a ‘tomic tantrum.
The rest of the world hasn’t seen this kind of high stepping since the Rooskies taught the minute waltz to the Hungarians in 1956 and the fox trot to the Czechoslovakians in 1968. The U-Cranes are doing their best, but let’s face it; they’re going to get outstepped by Vlad unless they get a few more dance partners mighty quick.
Joeb Bidinghistime, the ‘Murican Prez is hoping that boycotting Rooskie vodka will get Vlad to change the dance card. Vlad is not amused – in fact he doesn’t seem like he cares. Perhaps he’s counting on the fact that boycotts take forever to work and will affect the average Rooskie on the street far more than it affects him. Besides, all his critics are still lining up to buy Rooskie oil so he can afford to lose a few drinkers.
Joeb says he’d prefer to cheer the U-Crane dancers from the sidelines than risk having a ‘tomic tantrum. You know how it is, you start with one ‘tomic tantrum and then everybody’s got to try it. Pretty soon there’s nothing but ‘tomic tantrums everywhere, all dance cards get scorched and anybody still ready to dance will have to do it in a cave. Yep, once committed to his dance routine, nothing will stop Vlad but a strong poke in the nose or a coup in the Kremlin so it looks like the U-Cranes are going to have to handle their own dance routines for as long as their legs hold out.
Now, some might wonder if the threat of throwing a ‘tomic tantrum works for Vlad this time, will he finish his two-step in the U-Crane and then send his dancers somewhere else? Seems to me that Vlad is the kind of guy that does whatever he likes until he does get a poke in the nose. At some point, you’ve got to force Vlad to sashay back to Rooskie – ‘tomic tantrums be damned.
Let’s suppose Vlad gets poked on the nose and the tantrums start – there’s still a bright side – we won’t have to worry anymore about overpopulation, climate change, COVID restrictions or, come to think of it, Vlad.
TL:DR – Good-bye U-Crane – welcome Cold War, Part II