There’s nothing like the ‘lympics to bring out the competitive spirit. Sure, there’s a few medals to be won by athletes, but the real games are in the political sphere.
Jobe Bidinghistime, current Prez of ‘Murica announced recently that his government is boycotting the upcoming winter ‘lympics in Porcelain. This is in retaliation for the commie rats being rather belligerent of late: taking hostages, cracking heads in Hung Konged, lobbing balls at tennis stars, practicing genocide on Weeegrrrrs and any number of nefarious deeds. Jobe has had enough and he’s going to stick it to Porcelain, teaching them a lesson they won’t forget. This sounded like such a good idea to our very own boy wonder and Prime Ribber, Dustbin Truthless, that he committed Kanadoodle to doing the same.
It’s not that our fearless leaders are going to interfere with the competitors – heavens no – the athletes are still being sent so the games can continue as usual. Jobe and Dustbin have decided that our countries are not going to send any of their government representatives to attend the ceremonies. There’ll be no fat politicos hobnobbing with the commie politicians and competing at the dinner tables, eating the canapés, swilling the free wine and all the other things that make the ‘lympics an event to be remembered… if you didn’t swill too much of the wine, of course.
Now I’m sure there are cynics out there wondering how not sending the usual bunch of government drones to the Olympics will hurt Porcelain. Some might actually be pleased at all the tax money being saved by cancelling a plane-load of politicians, denying them yet another free travel junket. Some might even wonder how we got into the habit of spending taxes to send the political groupies to these Testosterone Villages in the first place.
So, for those skeptics left wondering what are Jobe and Dustbin really up to, I feel a public duty to reveal the sleight behind the slight. The commies might say they don’t care, but in Porcelain, everything is about prestige and ‘face’. It’s the shame of throwing a party and having no one show up. Jobe and Dustbin are gleefully anticipating how hard it will be for the Porcelains to endure such an insult. They might even have to cancel the caterers hired to feed the fatsos at the head table. I also heard that Jobe told Dustbin that he’s found a way to rub it in – whispering that he’s placed a secret transmitter in the air ducts of Qinzheng Hall. So, the next meeting of Porcelain’s ruling body (the Politburo Standing and Yawning Committee) will be blasted by the sounds of Lesley Gore singing ‘It’s My Party.’ How cruel can it get?
You would cry too if it happened to you!