Kanadoodle has been rocked by the scandalous revelations that many of our politicians and a few senior health officials have escaped the snow and cold over the Christmas holidays and vacationed in warmer climes. Since it’s not just politicians up to their normal tricks, the public is demanding accountability. Indeed, one of health officials is a fellow that headed up advisory committees to berate us lowly folk as to how irresponsible we are about flouting health rules. Hmmm – has he considered a career in politics now that he’s looking for a new job? But I digress…
These are the same people who have been demanding that the rest of us stay in soulful self-isolation in our drafty igloos in an attempt to curb the spread of the Confounded, Ornery, Vexatious, Invidious Disease (COVID). Yes, ordinary folks had to give up Christmas, keep isolated, wear a mask, wash hands often – in other words, do what is expected of every Kanadoodlian who doesn’t wish to face hefty fines. It applies to everyone except politicians and CEOs, of course.
They just don’t see what all the fuss is about. It is, after all, the duty of every politician to lie, or least avoid the truth. It’s part four of the ‘politician’s creed’ – ‘say one thing and do the other’. Living the ‘creed’ is the glorious reward in becoming an elected official – a prime directive, their ‘raison d’etre’ if you will. Health officials involved with such antics are obviously emulating their favorite politicians.
I suppose we lesser mortals should set aside the petty expectations that politicians will live under the same set of rules as the common folk and place the blame for this scandal squarely where it belongs – the historic failure of Kanadoodle’s government to use their military wisely.
Let’s look at the facts. Fact #1 – Kanadoodle is a wonderful land for only part of the year. It’s only when the fair days of fall abandon all hope of recovery and swoon into the icy embrace of winter that every cold-blooded citizen of Kanadoodle pines for a warmer clime. In any normal year, vast herds of Kanadoodle’s population can be seen trekking across the frozen tundra, parking their dog sleds at the border and boarding planes that will whisk them far away from their homes of sleet and ice. Can anyone be blamed for such attempts at self-preservation? Certainly not!
Fact #2 – What is a military for if not to rush out and conquer someone else’s benighted land? Back in the good old days, all the great powers sent their military boffins off with gunboats and instructions to conquer as many nice warm spots as possible. The British Empire snatched up the lion’s share but squandered their opportunities by granting their conquests commonwealth status instead of full-fledged citizenship. The ‘Muricans, Kanadoodle’s good neighbor to the south, were not so silly. When they gobbled up half of Mexcio and all of Hawaii, they made the natives full fledged members of their union. The result? When ‘Muricans need to flee the freezing blasts of winter that leak out from Kanadoodle, they can kick their feet up in a warmer place and still be in their own country!
Fact #3 – During this golden age of ‘sun and sand’ acquisition, where was Kanadoodle’s military? NAPPING – by order of government! Our mighty warriors even defeated the brazen ‘Muricans in 1812 and took no spoils of war – not even the slightest little sun drenched island sprinkled with sand and beach. No, after the 1812 victory, our government did the traditional Kanadoodlian thing – they apologized to the ‘Muricans for winning the war, offered consolation prizes and then sent the troops back to their igloos to enjoy endless stretches of frigid winters.
Since then we’ve been hopelessly relying on politicians to do fix their mistake. Of course it might be possible – get our Prime Ribber to call up some impoverished tropical island and ask if they’d give up their independence in exchange for free health care and unemployment insurance as a new province in our confederation! Unfortunately, the idea is so good that no politician will ever attempt it – flies in the face of article seven, subsection nine of the politician’s creed (i.e. Never accomplish anything for the good of the people). Call it our disinheritance.
Let’s face it – back when it was the thing to do, if our military had been sent out like everybody else and conquered some nice tropical island, all our current scandals wouldn’t even arise. Politicians, Health CEOs and the rest of us would be able spend our Christmas holidays in a warm spot and nobody would have to breach the COVID rules against travelling outside the country. Oh yes, it’s an historic black mark against our government and their handling of the military, no mistake about it.