While Christmas comes but once a year, there is no season that you can’t find politicians up to their usual silly antics. In Kanadoodle we have our Prime Ribber, Dustbin Truthless, trying to make the most of a COVID vaccine roll out. He’s hoping that no one remembers the misplaced faith he put in a joint venture with the country of Porcelain-china to produce a vaccine – in their country. The Porcelainese may have produced something, but they politely decided not to share it with their financial backers from Kanadoodle. In any event, Dustbin had to admit that Kanadoodle has no facility to produce a vaccine in any case.
That left poor Dustbin scrambling to offer beleaguered Kanadoodlians some hope for a vaccine when one was found. He joined the queue of countries offering lots of money to companies in advance, on the chance that they might find a vaccine. There is now one vaccine cleared for use and two others close behind. Clever Dustbin has pre-orders with all three so, with great fanfare and fireworks, Kanadoodle is now seeing the first order of vaccines arrive in the country. The Prime Ribber and his minions have been ecstatically promoting the distribution of this first batch, pointing to the Libelous Party’s foresight and acumen in having secured it for the benefit of all Kanadoodlians. There should be enough in the first batch to cover everyone nine-five years or older who can still sprint to a major hospital in downtown Toronto. Everyone else will have to wait until ‘the end of next year.’ Hooray!
Down south in ‘Murica the COVID situation is looking worse than ever. The Grand High Imperial Twitterbug (soon to be reduced to just TWIT) and greatest comedian in the history of the land, has been hiding out at the Whitey House, offering free COVID germs to anyone for the asking and insisting that ‘Murica will never be able to function without him. Let’s remember that the GHIT was the first one to declare there was nothing to the COVID panic – and wasn’t he proved right! He single handed calmed ‘Muricans with the famous song: ‘Birds gotta fly and business gotta run, and if you catch COVID, it helps if you’re young.” Why he even caught COVID just to show that everyone with a billion bucks could beat the disease.
Since it’s clear he doesn’t have much time left in the Whitey House, he has been working hard to create a few last comedy routines to bolster his supporters. Launching lawsuits against every state that didn’t vote for him was pretty funny, although giving his chief lawyer a dose of COVID was even funnier. But I believe he’s managed to top even these. Invoking the sacred principle of ‘’Murica Thirst’ (an isolationist idea popular between world wars that insists ‘Muricans should always drink alone and get the first drink) he’s insisting that all COVID vaccines in ‘Murica will go to ‘Muricans first.
You get the idea. Here’s the GHIT, a Prez so opposed to legitimizing a ‘COVID threat’ that he declined to have the ‘Murican government buy any vaccine in advance and still insists that it’s no big deal. He now insists that all the other countries that actually paid for vaccines in advance should get their orders cancelled by Prez decree. Now, isn’t that hilarious? Truly this is comedy of the highest order! Now wonder he’s so beloved by his supporters.
What is ‘Murica going to do without him?
Those of us in Blunder Country have been confined to our igloos until after Christmas. We’ll maybe break open too many brewskis, binge watch old Christmas movies or follow the latest political comedy. We’ll scramble around trying to find two pound turkeys for small Christmas’ dinners while worrying about how the holiday family gatherings will work now that they have to be on-line. Not to worry – the internet will become overloaded and will likely fail as well, making this the most memorable Christmas ever!
If you think that’s ridiculous, you’ve never heard the old prairie farmers talking about the ‘BLIZZARD OF 1913’… See what I mean? For the rest of your life you’ll be able to look your (great) (grand) children in the eye and say, “So you didn’t get everything you wanted, and you think THIS CHRISTMAS IS BAD? Well, you never experienced the ‘CHRISTMAS OF 2020!’
Yes sir! That’s what memorable is all about.