If It’s Broke, Don’t Fix It – Pt 1

If you think there’s a word missing, you haven’t considered the current state of politics.  If you need examples of how broke it is, you need not look further than the elections that are about to culminate in both Blunder Country and down south in ‘Murica. 

Blunder Country has one blessing missing from the ‘Murican system, a multi-party system.  In a multi-party system good government is always possible if the voters have enough sense to NEVER elect a majority from any one party.  When minority governments occur, everybody benefits because no one can impose their ideas on those governed unless they convince enough of the opposition that what they’re proposing is a good idea.  Preventing silly ideas from being foisted on an electorate like you get in a majority is a terrific example of what I call good government.

With such a simple mechanism, you’d think that voters would be savvy enough to elect minority governments every chance they had.  Alas, such is not the case.  Take the current election in Blunder Country, the province that hugs the Pacifying Ocean in the ice-field country we call Kanadoodle.  We’ve been enjoying good government because the current ruler only has a minority.  The glorious leader of Blunder Country has wracked up huge approval ratings, mostly due to the fact he has to get his plans approved by another party.  Of course he promised he wouldn’t call an election until it was scheduled, but his approval ratings were so high, he invoked section two of the ‘politicians’ creed’ (always break campaign promises) and called an election. 

Now, if voters were sensible, they’d see right through this ruse and elect another minority government.  Alas, all the polls and pundits predict he’ll win a large majority government.  Consider it a failure of the system.

Down in ‘Murica, there’s only a choice of two, so it’s ‘a winner take all’ kind of election, especially for the role of Prez.  On one hand is the chance to continue with the greatest comedian in ‘Murican history, the Grand High Imperial Twitterbug (GHIT), Ronald Rump, ruler by Divine Ego and master of section one of the politicians’ creed (always lie about everything).  There isn’t anyone that holds a candle to the GHIT in this department and it’s part of his winning ways.  On the other hand you have Joeb Bidinghistime, a complete failure when it comes to the politicians’ creed, a man banking on ‘Muricans to set entertainment and comedy aside and focus on issues and moral values.  What a laugh!  Who wants that from a politician?

Now, it’s not that ‘Murica doesn’t have it’s own version of obtaining good government.  Instead of a multi-party system, they have three tiers of government in their system, each with some capacity to interfere with the other.  There’s the Prez, who has vast powers of verbal bombast, the Sedated with terrific powers of snoozing while anointing the Prez’s choice for the Super-Preen Court and other exciting stuff, and lastly, the group responsible for budget and other mundane daily matters, the Conjugal, named in honor of the fact that they have a few areas where they can really screw the Prez if they’ve a mind to.

There may be those unfamiliar with the only two parties in ‘Murica.  There’s the Publicans, whose members own every brewery in ‘Murica and are famous for driving everyone to drink.  Their policies tend to favor the ‘big people’ like billionaires and Paul Bunyan.  They’re very keen on ‘ProLife’ before birth.  After birth their motto is: “Look at all the bad hombres!”  ‘Lock ‘em up!’ and “Bring on the electric chair!”   The Publicans are also very keen on helping the filthy rich make more money from the ‘little people’ and it’s a big vote getter for them.  Since everyone in ‘Murica knows they’re going to be bogglingly rich some day, everybody wants to do everything they can to make sure that no billionaire need suffer from silly things, like paying taxes, that might interfere with their race to produce the planet’s first trillionaire.

While the Demo-rugrats don’t have a policy with anything quite so attractive, they are very keen on ‘ProChoice’, a burger best eaten with lots of mustard and relish.  They say if you eliminate the ‘bad hombres’ before they’re born then there’s no need for ‘Lock ‘em up’ or the ‘electric chair’.  Demo-rugrats believe that ‘Murica needs to be generous to all the ‘little people’.  This is not a big vote getter despite the fact there are many more ‘little people’ than billionaires.  As mentioned before all the ‘little people’ think they will someday be billionaires, so they have a hard time supporting policies that will only work well for Munchkins and Oompa–loompas.  All this party stuff sounds complicated, but the average voter just needs to sit back and enjoy the yellow stream of benefits that trickle down to their heads from whichever party is running things.

Despite having only two parties, it is still possible to achieve the elusive goal of good government in ‘Murica.  To do so, it’s essential that the neither the Publicans or the Demo-rugrats should ever control all three tiers of government at the same time.   It’s much better when all three levels of government are at war with each other – lots of fighting and no one able to do any of the stupid things that a majority would allow.

It seems pretty simple in theory but, like in Kanadoodle, the electorate just isn’t reliable.  In the most elections in Kanadoodle, one of the parties invariably wins a majority.  If they do end up with a minority, they whine and complain and push for another election as soon as possible – bad behavior that’s rewarded by the electorate, even though voters have to pay through the nose for every election and listen to all the ridiculous things promised during an election.  It must be the thrill of watching the chase – the possibility that a new election that gives one party a majority.  If it works, as it usually does, then the voters can sit back and enjoy watching all the awful things their majority government does that would have been blocked in a minority.  Even better is the fact that in a multi-party system, using the ‘first past the post’ election method, a party can obtain a majority government while only getting a fraction of the popular vote – nowhere near 50%.  Oh the joys that can be found in Kanadoodle!

In ‘Murica, the last election produced a perfect example of everything going wrong in their system.  The GHIT became Prez for the Publicans, but the Publicans also won a majority in the Sedated and the Conjugal.  It’s pretty obvious why voters went for the GHIT.  They love entertainment and especially their comedians.  Who wouldn’t want to be ruled in a continuous laughfest under the divine ego, the GHIT, THE GREATEST COMEDIAN in ‘Murica?  Here we are, four years later, and despite the GHIT’s continuing personal popularity, the purists for good government insist that even HE could have benefitted from having a majority of Demo-rugrats in the Sedate and the Conjugal. 

One week to go and we’ll know if ‘Murica is up for good government or not.

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