There’s nothing that the citizens of Kanadoodle love more than watching a good political punch-up in ‘Murica. Ronald Rump, the Grand High Imperial Twitterbug in ‘Murica right now, has more detractors in Kanadoodle than any politician in living memory – including candidates from either side of the border. The GHIT just seems to go against the grain of most Kanadoodlians who prefer humble sounding politicians – those who can talk the talk no matter where their boots carry them.
Both the GHIT and our own Prime Ribber, Dustbin Troothless, share a devotion to the politician’s creed: ‘Never tell the truth when a lie will suffice’ and ‘always do the opposite of what you promise the voters.’ Both come to political leadership with a strong sense that no one else in the universe could possibly replace them and both have dedicated themselves to promoting the interests of the filthy rich. They both agree that there’s some lucky billionaire out there who will become the world’s first trillionaire, and they want to make sure it happens on their watch. Both get themselves involved in countless scandals and walk away unscathed.
But there is a difference between continuing success in Kanadoodle compared to ‘Murica. The GHIT’s secret is to dismiss all criticism as ‘fake news’ from ‘losers’ while Troothless has mastered the art of appearing contrite and apologetic while forging on with monkey business as usual. It’s this difference that really riles the folks in Kanadoodle against the GHIT. In Kanadoodle it’s fine for politicians to be extravagantly self-absorbed as long as they continue a façade of humbleness. As a rule, most Kanadoodlians just don’t understand the flat out, in your face, Godzilla sized ego that is flaunted by the GHIT. They look at him, they hear him and they wish him unwell.
Those following the latest polls might think some of this attitude has leaked into ‘Murica as the GHIT is a little behind his election rival, Job Bidinghistime. But I caution everyone – it’s three long months to the next election… well, unless the GHIT can make good on his promise to postpone the election until he dies.
I was watching BBC New ‘Murica a few days ago and they carried a clip of someone interviewing the GHIT. Questions about ‘Murica’s response to COVID roused the GHIT into insisting that ‘Murica was leading the world – and he had charts and graphs to prove it. He showed everyone the graphs but when pressed as to what they were about and what they showed, the GHIT didn’t have a clue. Now I ask you, where else can you find entertainment anything like that on the planet?
Over the next three months there will be many voters wavering – asking themselves, ‘What will we do for entertainment if Rump isn’t the GHIT?’ Some will shed tears at the thought of Rump not being able to continue his journey in the greatest ego trip offered in ‘Murica – GHITdom, and some will hold bibles up-side-down and backwards awaiting the Rump revelation that he is actually the second coming!
What are negative polls against all that?