Monty Python may have much in common with the general craziness and hilarity of politics, but at least the Pythons offered a little more variety than occurs in the halls of power.
My last political blogs were written in the lead up to Kanadoodle’s general election. Dustbin Truthless, our beloved Prime Ribber and leader of the Libelous Party was aiming for a second kick as Poo-bah in the Iglooarliament with the likes of Slander Shears of the Consumptive Party nipping at his heals. Dizzy April was hoping for a greener winter, what’s his name from the Nearly Dead Party was hoping for the resurrection, Maxscream Burner of the Pooper’s Party was hoping for a return of the guillotine and Weave Blank Cheques of the Block Headquois was hoping for the second coming.
The results, trickling in over election night, sent everyone home to an early bed. By the next morning, it was clear that everyone was a winner. Slander got more votes than Dustbin, Dizzy tripled her green salad, what’s his name did wonderfully well in the campaign and only lost half his party’s seats, Maxscream gets to retire to Elba to commune with his hero Napoleon and Weave swept Kebec like no other since… well for a long time.
But BEST OF ALL, Dustin Truthbin is again Prime Ribber. Yes, thanks to Kanadoodle’s ‘first past the post’ election system, Dustbin won more britches than Shears and thus gets to remain Prime Ribber, even though he’s now considered a minor. Slander was heard musing that our electoral system rewards the horse’s ass. Then, with darkened brow he muttered, “Viva Roberta Libre!” – just to hear how it sounded. Western Kanadoodle is frozen out AGAIN! I’m not sure why this is news as anybody living in Kanadoodle’s prairies during the winter – it’s always frozen. The reason nobody in Roberta votes for anything but the Consumptive Party is because they’re the only party in favor of oil fireplaces.
Dustbin should be justly proud of his achievement, won with a slavish observance to the politicians creed: NEVER tell the truth when a lie is convenient, WHEN IN DOUBT – mumble, when facing complexity smile with simplicity and NEVER doubt the average voter’s five second attention span.
Yes, there’s great rejoicing in Kanadoodle over the election. It marks the first time in years that any laws passed in the Iglooarliament will need the support of members representing over fifty percent of the voters! Can Kanadoodle always keep it so?
Cynics will say that, over the next few years, Dustbin will scrub the black off his face, complain that nothing can be done in a minority Iglooarliament and insist that Kanadoodle should have yet another election – so that he can once again wear the mantle of a major Prime Ribber. He’ll probably pull it off…In the meantime things will go on as before, with much spending and little accomplished.
And while we’re here, let’s have a quick look at ‘Murica. Ronald Rump is still the Grand High Imperial Twitterbug, despite those working tirelessly to ‘Dump the Rump’. Happily the political gridlock has brought everything to a standstill, with much spending and little accomplished. With their election coming next year in any case, we’ll wait for the GHIT to run again. He’ll probably pull it off…
No wonder ‘Murican remains great friends with Kandadoodle.