Wasn’t That A Party?

For those that read my last blog, you might mistakenly infer from the title that this is about the celebrations of Kanadoodle’s birthday last July 1st. However, the average citizen remembers Kanadoodle celebrations up until the next day when they go back to work. This bit is honoring the fest that was held a few days later in the great country to the south of Kanadoodle, the Unilateral Silly Alliances (‘Murica for short).

Ronald Rump may have his detractors, but ‘Murica’s Grand High Imperial Twitterbug (GHIT) really knows how to throw a birthday party for ‘Murica’s Interminable Day. In truth our own Prime Ribber, Dustbin Truthless, could take a few notes from the GHIT’s offering.

Perhaps you remember watching the old newsreels of May Day celebrations, broadcast from Red Spires in that vast country called Russhing. You know the ones; a few Exalted Poo-Bahs with grim faces, standing on the viewing deck of the Paul Lennon Mausoleum, situated in the heart of the Gremlin! Acres of tanks, masses of artillery, missiles galore and endless rows of uniformed minions marching by in perfect precision. The Russhings have had lots of practice in this field and, up to now, were generally considered the tops in the world when it came to military charades. That’s why the current Chief Revolting Antagonistic Poo-Bah (CRAP) of that fabled communalistic country, Waldmort Pukin, can look effortlessly at ease when the troops march past him. But the GHIT was looking, and a little enviously.

The GHIT gets it! A military charade with tanks, bands and countless men marching while fighter jets roar overhead is the BEST! Well almost – better throw in a few giant balloons with funny characters, just in case. AND, the GHIT gets to stand up there in FRONT, IN the SPOTLIGHT, looking as serious as the CRAP did up on his mausoleum. Yes, there’s nothing that says, ‘I’m the ONE, the BIG CHEESE, the one you get to FEAST YOUR EYES upon, o ye lesser beings, than a charade of military might – with balloons.

Of course the GHIT wanted to top his old friend Pukin. The GHIT cleverly hit on the one idea that guaranteed success. It’s the color of the Spires that really makes the difference. Poor old Pukin is limited to his Red Spire and the crafty GHIT had options. He first considered a Green Spire in honor of ‘Murica’s dedication to cold, hard cash. BUT, and it seems so obvious now, it took a real genius like the GHIT to hit on the idea of using THREE colors: RED, WHITE AND BLUE!

I can see poor Pukin grinding his teeth as he realizes that his big parade has finally been topped! I can hardly wait until next May Day to see if the Russhings will launch a counterattack, designing an even BIGGER parade. Of course the GHIT might be persuaded to rent them some balloons, especially if asked nicely by his good buddy Pukin. And the GHIT will do it, just to show he’s a real sport. With the GHIT it’s always all about helping out. And let’s face it, could a little charade really hurt the bonds of friendship between these two? It was the CRAP, after all, that helped Rump become the GHIT that he is today.

I’d also like to recommend a BIG charade to our own Prime Ribber for the next July 1st celebration. I can see it now, all of Kanadoodle’s military might, marching past the Iglooarliment in Ottawap under the imperious eye of our own Prime Ribber. What a glow that would produce. Not only that, but the parade would be over in five minutes, leaving lots of time to get back in the dog sleds and head for the taverns for a cold brewski.

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