Hon-Konged

The residents of Blunder Country’s largest city, Vancooler, have been anxiously watching the recent spate of unrest in Hon-Konged. Most of you already know that Hon-Konged is part of the world’s most populated country, Porcelain (often referred to as Bone China due to the many dinosaur bones found in their deserts). The roots of the unrest are found in history.

Hon-Konged was part of Porcelain for several thousand years, but was shanghaied by Inkland when that country was in the expansionist part of its history. Some of you no doubt have read exploits of the great Inkland conqueror, General Gorgon who, on orders from Lord El-Grin (yes, the same El-Grin who stole the famous marbles, so he can’t be a complete Philistine), reluctantly taught the Empress of Porcelain a harsh lesson when his troops stormed, sacked and burned the Spring Palace. With the destruction of the palace, about four thousand years of Porcelain’s most treasured arts works were looted or destroyed. The few surviving pieces can only be seen these days when the ancestors of the conquering troops bring some of their heirlooms to the ‘Antiques Roadshow’ to get appraised.

But Inkland broke one of the fundamental rules of conquerors when it came to their acquisition of Hon-Konged. Instead of stealing it outright like any sensible conqueror, they hummed and hawed and finally leased the city and surrounding areas from the Porcelain government for a 99 year period. It seemed like an easier way to conquer at the time, but has provided serious difficulties after the lease expired some years ago.

Who would have known that after WWII, the Porcelain people would band together under the leadership of MooSeeDung and turn into a hot bed of red communalism! The main problem is that Hon-Konged, administered by Inkland for almost 100 years, became heavily populated with capitalist sharks. Everyone knows that communalists and sharks are deadly enemies, so as the 99 year lease started to come to a close, many of the wealthy sharks turned their beady eyes westward, looking for a place to stash their cash and a safe refuge if things got bad with the reds.

WELCOME TO KANADOODLE! Yes, Kanadoodle, the country where, ever since the time of the Harping government, has provided a safe western haven for every kind of refugee – at least those with lots of money, advanced educational degrees, support for Consumptive style governments and a dedication to trickle down economics (the theory that if you build tax laws that completely favor the filthy rich, the bazillions of dollars they amass will eventually trickle down in a small yellow stream on the heads of ordinary workers. This theory was first practiced by our great neighbors to the south, The Unilateral Silly Alliances (USA), under the leadership of Ronnie Raygun).

The trendy city of Vancooler was the first beneficiary of the Hon-Konged shark money migration to Kanadoodle. Vancooler became a boomtown. Everybody that already owned a residence suddenly became a millionaire as shark money fought with drug dealers in buying up more real estate than the market could handle. Prices skyrocketed for decades! This resulted in about 90% of Vancooler’s young workers being completely dispossessed and facing monthly rental rates at prices that would keep the poor of an African country fed for a similar period. These Vancoolerits are now worried that another influx of Hon-Konged sharks, carrying their money with them, will leave everybody homeless.

Never fear, with the hot weather we’ve been having, the Blunder Country government has been giving thought to opening beaches at night. How long can you tread water?

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