What About the Economy?

If there’s anything in Kanadoodle that can be more puzzling than the antics of its politicians, it’s this northern country’s economy. We all know that Kanadoodle is a vast country, most of which nobody would ever want to settle in. Great blocks of the population huddle in a few big cities that are close to the border with the Unilateral Silly Alliances (the USA or sometimes affectionately referred to as ‘Murica). This is because most of Kanadoodle’s population is trying to keep warm during our long, frigid winters and there’s always been plenty of hot air streaming up from our neighbors to the south, especially since their last election. Yes, after parking the dogsleds after a hard day making ice cubes, there’s nothing like kicking back in the igloo and being engulfed in a current of hot air direct from the south.

But there’s more to Kanadoodle than endless vistas of empty space and a few large cities featuring gridlock on the dog sled trails. Kanadoodle is just teeming with every kind of raw material you’d ever need to make all the goods cherished by the developed nations. Our country is famous for exporting these raw materials to many other countries around the world. We supply the raw materials, they build the goodies, we buy their goodies – making sure we pay a lot more to them than they ever paid us.

Now I guess you’ve heard a lot about climate change and how the flatulence from cows is warming up the atmosphere to unsustainable temperatures. No wonder everybody worries about mad cow disease. But I don’t understand why the cows get all the blame; surely someone has measured the gas emanating from Kanadoodle’s seat of power, the Iglooarliment building in our capital city of Aughtawop.

But I already hear the outcry, those who remind me that Kanadoodle’s main guy, our very own Prime Ribber, Dustbin Truthless, has been a great champion in the fight against climate change. He and his Libellous Party committed billions of dollars of taxpayers’ money to investment in a pipe dream that will connect the oil produced in the province of Roberta so that it can be sprayed along the coast line in Blunder Country. It’s a wonderful idea and very generous of the Prime Ribber. Blunder Country, after all, has no oil of their own and Dustbin is very keen on sharing.

Blunder Country does produce lots of electricity, which is environmentally friendly, but historically it’s been subject to Kanadoodle’s normal economic practice: they sold much of it to ‘Murica’ at bargain prices so when they run short, they can buy it back at a greater price.

So when our very own Prime Ribber talks about needing more and more pipe dreams to help sell oil to other countries, I can’t help but wonder why Kanadoodle doesn’t forge toward a new path. Let’s use our own resources and become self sufficient!

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