Who am I?

It took an episode of “Portlandia” to discover that I suffer from ‘early onset grumpy’ and my life is probably limited to no more than another twenty-five years. Sigh!

It’s probably just as well as I live in Blunder Country (BC), an area on the wet coast in the northern country of Kanadoodle. For those unfamiliar with Kanadoodle, it is just above that mega country, the Unilateral Silly Alliances (USA) and EVERYBODY knows where Ronald Dumps lives.

Kanadoodle is currently ruled by the Libelous Party headed by the boy wonder, Dustbin Truthless. You may have seen Dustbin on TV, dodging electrical Raybolts, butting his head against Pillboxes, beating people with pipelines and defending a company called Nasty Creepy (NC) Lavatories. Now I ask you, what’s wrong with Dustbin’s view that a private company shouldn’t be prevented from selling armaments to dangerous foreign lunatics? What’s wrong with a friendly basket of grenades?

Of course he only has himself to blame – putting all those women into his cabinet. The next thing you know they’re ignoring the age old practices of back room dealing and dissembling. Don’t those women know that principle and politician are oxymorons? How can you run a country without bribes, lies and hefty campaign contributions? Face it ladies, men are much better at all those things. Right now Dustbin’s preparing to lead the country into an election.

I guess I should tell you up-front that I lack confidence in governments of any stripe. The worst aspect of our system is the political party. In gestalt theory, the whole is greater than the sum of the individual parts. In politics the individual intelligence is far greater than the collective intelligence of individuals in a party. Given our collective addiction to political parties I guess the best we can hope for is a minority government. In a minority governments nobody can pass any legislation unless most everybody wants it. No wonder it happens so rarely.

Strangely enough, here in Blunder Country we have just that. Our last election was quite the upset. The former PooBah, Twisty Shark, lost her title to a mix of orange and green and it has been nothing but paradise ever since. Even the weather has been warmer than normal! And don’t think that there haven’t been problems to deal with. All those soaring temperatures started melting all the igloos, creating a housing crisis in Vancooler. Everybody agrees that an extra tax on empty igloos is the answer to the problem. See what I mean? Progress!

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